I'm really not avoiding the issue....

There is just so many other things going on, I promise. I wish I could jump on a plane no questions asked like my Sis, Jen did when I needed her when I called her crying 3 years ago and couldn't even get the words out to ask. She just said... " I will be there". I know so bad that she needs me, and I can't even be there for her right now when she needs me the most. The worst thing in the world is watching somebody you love die right before your eyes. I am so proud of how she is handleing everything. She is being so strong. Don't get me wrong, at some points, she does break down. She tells me this, and she pours out her soul to God, who of course knows all. She had a heart-to-heart with Grandma tonight also and told her it was okay to "Go" that there were others waiting for her. Grandma said okay, but there has been no phone call yet. One granddaughter had to leave and return to work. It tore at her heart to have to leave, when she came thinking they would be able to do surgery and "fix" the problem and get Grandma back up on her feet again, now knowing that she has a week at most, she will be going into a hospice home tomorrow I believe.

Jen told me she is greatful for the last six years of our friendship and everything that she has learned from it... cancer and all... as it is/has made her the one able to deal with this now.... she is the grandaughter-in-law.... but still EXTREMELY close to Grandma. She is helping with all the decisions I believe with medications and what not, and many are what I am either currently on or have been on. Many things that Grandma is experiencing I am able to give words to them, that she is not able to communicate accurately to them... she talked about worms the other night,.... to me that is when my skin crawls with the morphine,.... when they lowered the dosage it seemed to stop. I am very sensitive to light on the morphine... Grandma seems to be also,... they lowered the lights and that seemed to help her today. Grandma didn't know that I was on the phone with Jen, and Jen and I have a way of communicating that not many people wouldn't know she was talking to anybody anyways... but I was able to hear them and Jen was still able to answer my questions without Grandma getting weirded out. Just in a little over 24 hours she has lost her ability to hold rentention... and she is not on enough medication to cause that. Jen told me they have also found cancer in her lungs... my mind wanders to where else it may be.... brain? I just pray that the Lord takes her soon.

She is waiting for something...I pray that she finds the peace that she needs for that. I pray for Eric, Jen's husband, that he will be able to be okay with this. I don't know that anybody close to him has ever passed away. I DO KNOW he is NOT a Christian, and Grandma is and I pray that this would bring him closer and not push him further away.

I need some sleep.... pray that my dear sister.... GCM'ers... she is GreenEydJen.... would be able to sleep to as she has a long road ahead of her. Thank you for the prayers that I know will come and the ones that I and she and our famies have already recieved.

All I can offer each of you right now is a hawaiian saying...

"Eia Ho No, Ka Maluhia, O No Lani, Me Oukou A Pau."

"May the peace, and the serenity, of the heavens be with you"