Sorry to have worried so many...

The Dr changed some medications and added others....It has made me terribly ill. I haven't been able to do anything but be in bed or in the bathroom for much of the better part of a week. Yesterday was the first day that I was up and about and that wasn't a choice, I had to. I spent the whole day at the Department of Taxation getting all the paperwork in order for the business tax clearance that is needed for the renewal of the business licenses. It took all day, 3 different trips to the DOTaxation, 2 trips to Banks and much patience, and a GREAT deal of money but it is done. Of course today I had to stay in bed all day because of it.

Also yesterday morning I had a mammogram. I had told Gary that I would be VERY surprised if they DID NOT find something on it. I got a -phone call today at 4pm from a nurse at Dr. Bhattacharyya's office that they found "something", califications, on the left ariola. That being said, she was faxing the orders over RIGHT THEN, and I need to call Castle right at 8am to schedule a special test for FURTHER testing of what this is. She told me that they DO NOT get results in 24 HOURS. I was not ready for this AT ALL. It's one thing to tell Gary that I thought they would find something... another thing for them to ACTUALLY find something.

Worse case senario... Malignant growth...surgery, chemo, radiation, possibly death. I am finding it harder and harder to stay positive. This would be a HUGE set-back. This would be like nothing we have dealt with so far at all. This would be traditional chemo and radiation. If I have to do surgery for this.. I will do radical mastectomy with reconstruction ONLY if the prognosis is marginal or good.

I am not trying to be morbid or anything, I just CANNOT do this anymore. I do not know how to describe it, but I am TIRED.... this is not a sleep tired. It has nothing to do with sleep at all. Sleep isn't even a factor in this equation as when I go to sleep, I can't even run from it there. It even now follows me in my dreams.

I do however, believe that this will be Gary's wake-up call. This will be where his faith, IF HE HAS ANY, will be put to the test. This will be were my ministry of where, what, who, how and why I am what I am and what my purpose is for his life. This is my verse for this week... "The Lord God is my strength, and He will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places." ~ Habakkuk 3:19