This was why I got flowers... this was from 2 nights ago...

I have been having a great deal of pain that morphine is not handling. Last night was a very scary for Gary he felt so helpless. He asked me several times if I needed to go to the ER. There is nothing that they could have done there that the nurse hadn't already done here. I was maxed out on pain meds and they were waiting for blood results to come back. She just left. She gave me a mophine shot and left a Fentanyl patch if the pain becomes too unbearable. I also got 4 other shots on top of the morphine. She gave me anti-nausea, anti-fungal, antibiotics, and steroids. She will be back tomorrow morning to do blood work and see if there has been any changes. She didn't say what type of infection we are dealing with but it was bad enough that Dr. Cho wanted meds started for it. I am trying to get the approval to get into the neurologist. Both Dr. Kessel and Dr. Cho want me to see him. They feel that some of the pain is managable but that some of it will begin, if it already hasn't started, to not be managable. The bad thing about all this... I am getting further and further behind in work. I do a little bit but then more gets loaded on top of it. Gary went to the office this morning to bring me whatever was on my desk back...now my desk at home is full, and I just cleaned it last night. Evan is full of energy today and wants me to play, not on the bed, but run kind after him, I just can't do it. It is almost noon and I haven't even brushed my teeth or washed my face yet. And the bad mommie that I am today, I didn't even scold Gary when he gave Evan oreos and Dr skipper for BREAKFAST.... Gary is so upset by this he bought me flowers this morning to try and cheer me up. I'm waiting for a specific email, so I come check the board when I check my mail, but once that is done I am completely worn out and have to go right back to bed. When I do sleep I am having the most horrifying dreams.I no longer ask for no pain, but I would like it manageable. And if I could, could you wonderful ladies pray that I get some restful and peaceful sleep. I can't handle the nightmares in real life let alones these that are coming in my sleep now. I feel selfish for asking for this, but I know that you are my strength and there is power in the strength of prayer. I will be back later to update.


It is now later....4/27/06....I have yet to get back to bed really. I can't stay in one position for very long. Yesterday, err, last night was a litte better, but I still didn't get to sleep, Gary was exhausted and ended up being the first one to sleep and I needed to stay up with the kids till they went down. Ethan was the biggest struggle but I enforced the boundaries and the last peep i heard from him was right around 10.

I woke up this morning to Gary yelling at the kids yet again... Ethan got his mid-quarter report and all of a "sudden" he is failing everything.... THIS HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T TAKE YOUR MEDS LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO!!! But I am keeping my mouth shut and will see what happens this afternoon when everybody gets home. I am done... it is somebody else's turn to work with him. The nurse got here a little bit... and I was so looking forward to a nap... For the past two days I have had a really nice nurse named Nancy, well... today when I really could have used a smile.... that witch,.... I mean nurse, Adalei, is back. I just want to get this done and over with and then I hope to take a long nap this afternoon.

Roy has already called me close to 20 times today.... there is nothing I can do until I hear back from people.... some people have JOBS that they have to do before they can take care of personal things, so most likely I won't hear back from them until late this afternoon or this evening.

There is a new Will and Grace on tonight... I probably will miss it, but it is something to look forward to I am trying to figure out what to make for dinner that won't cause more chaos tonight.

I did order a dress for Shayla's graduation... I hope that it comes in time... It's backordered until May 10th I think it was. I also FINALLY ordered a new full slip... I have LOOKED EVERYWHERE, no clue where it is. I know that last time Daddy and Connie were here she borrowed it... I think it went home with her. I went to wear a dress last week and couldn't as you could SEE everything!!! Might not be a problem when you are a size 4, but umm.... not great when you are an 18. Oh well... today is just one of those days that just needs to hurry up and get over with.




Everything is getting on my LAST nerve today.... even the sound of the filter in Kola's tank is irritating today. Gary called to let me know what was going on.... he goes on and on with this and that, and just as he is getting ready to hang up realizes that I haven't said a word... then he asked... "are you there? are you ok?" .... what do you think?