I would love to give a really great positive update for my 13th anniversary...

But unfortunately that is not going to be the case. I got some anxiety causing information/news yesterday at the Dr. Some samples were taken during my surgery for the gallbladder removal and the results were sent to Dr. Kessel, the endocrinologist. The took 3 samples from in my abdomen while they did the surgery. I have no visibly formed tumors YET, but there were active cancer cells in my abdomen. He asked if I was having pain anywhere and I described where some new pain has started not too long ago. I thought I was over compensating for either something with my shoulder or the gallbladder. I have been having pain in my right side mostly, similar to ovulation pain...CAN'T have that when you have no OVARIES!!! He feels that the pain is the possible growths of some new tumors. I told him that this past month not being on the estrogen has been rough. I didn't notice a great deal of anything being on the estrogen, but have noticed a great deal more being off of it. The bone pain is pretty severe again, as is the problems with my racing heart and soaring sugar levels when my body tries to adjust to dealing with pain. I never knew your sugar could go that wacky with pain, but it can. I am also still having daily low-grade fevers and he also feels this is connected to the active cells and not anything from the lingering effects of surgery. He had some preliminary results in from the BMA (bone marrow aspiration) but nothing enough to be able to tell me anything. He said that Dr. Cho would be calling me on Monday or Tuesday. The steroids have been doing a number on my stomach tho, so he is messing with the dosage on those now also. He is starting me on a new medication to help starve off the new cells but also help with the estrogen deprivation. I went to the pharmacy and the lady pulled it right there... it's in a pre-packaged box, all they had to do was slap a label on it... she talked to the pharmacist.... COME BACK IN 2 HOURS....needless to say... I went home without it. It is now 4am and I have had to get up and take more pain meds. The pain in my side was making me wake every couple of hours and I took enough meds to SLEEP THE ENTIRE NIGHT. I am hoping the pain lets up some and I can get some more rest. Gary is going to take the kids in to work with him this morning so that I can sleep until they get home.

I picked up the Goji Berries and Juice yesterday so I will start to take that and see what it can do for me. Roy speaks very highly of it, I feel good in taking it knowing it is working for him and many of his friends. I am going to start giving it to Ethan also. Gary needs to finish the Xango and then I will start him on it also. For more information about Goji... http://www.relfe.com/himalyan_goji_juice_berries.html

I am really numb right now with all this new information. I knew big things were going to happen this week... just didn't think it would go in this direction. I need to find some more strength and refocus, so I may be quiet for a few days. I would appreciate any and all prayers for this new bump in our path. The one good thing, Dr. does not feel that this is an aggressive fast growing cancer. They will need to do some more testing soon, to see if it the same thing that I have been dealing with for 13 YEARS yesterday, or if this is a secondary new cancer. As it seems to be affecting the muscles, he feels it is still a sarcoma.

I am trying to stay positive, but once again, I feel the doubt creeping in. He did say that he wants me to stay on the Venlafaxine as it is helping a great deal with my anxiety, he also gave me the clearance to take the Xanax if I need it. He would like to see me change some of my pain meds, but I am not ready to go back on Morphine daily. I will continue to do what I am doing rotating with the Vicodin and the Percocet, with occasional morphine injections as needed. The nurse came the other day, Thursday I believe and gave me an injection that did not work at all, so I don't see the benefits in taking it, to possibly come addicted to it again. It took me a year and a half to get off of it before.

I did manage to hurt my shoulder pretty good yesterday. When Evan and I were in the elevator I got shoved into the corner. There is a sign in the elevator that says the capacity... well the elevator designers did not take into effect that that number was going to include 300-400lb samoans. Evan and I totaled about 220lbs, when I asked Gary about this later, he told me that the capacity levels are based on a 150lb person. So with a capacity of 3000 lbs or 20 people at that weight there could only be 7.5 people. There were 9 people in the elevator and I felt very skinny to be in there, but i still managed to bang my shoulder into the wall.

Well meds are kicking in and I did want to get some more sleep before the everybody gets up for the day. Again I would love any prayers that can be spared, when this news finally sinks in, I will be totally overwhelmed for awhile. Gary is taking it stoically again, as usual. He doesn't tell me how he is feeling in words, so not to sure on what he is thinking but he is being strong for me once again.