I should have bitten my tongue when I started my post the other day...

I know better than to ever even think "What more/next?" those words only ever get you in trouble.

I had a very bad day yesterday. Today I hurt everywhere, did you know you have close to a MILLION nerves in your arms? Or at least it feels that way. I caught Shayla's viral thing, have been throwing up and what not for two days now. I haven't even been able to keep the Zofran down. The mean home health nurse came yesterday out of the blue. It could not have been at a worse time. I looked BAD. She brought the paperwork for me to sign to start the IVIG treatments in our home again. Along with a letter that Dr. Cho had typed up because he knows what a pain I can be. In this letter it stated that I would allow him and the nurses he has sent total atonamy (sp?) over decisions regarding my care. If at any time they want me to do further testing or to be admitted that I will allow it and not fight them. He is going out on a limb and allowing these treatments at home as these are considered maintanence and should really be done at the hospital in the chemo department. As the treatments can take anywhere from 2-6 hours that is really difficult for Evan to be at the hospital that long and having to stay either on my lap or in his stroller. When we do them here at home at least he can move around, play with his toys and eat when he wants to. I had logged into MSN and Yahoo messengers yesterday and put that... THE MEAN NURSE was here, she read over my shoulder, and MADE A POINT of making me know her name. It is ADALEI. Doesn't change how I feel about her at all though. I was so dehydrated that the only place she was able to start the IV for the fluids that she went special to get was in my groin. You have two veins there, of course the big Femural (sp?) one they use for central lines and heart cath procedures, and then there is this other littler one that is closer to your pelvic area.... but BOY DOES THAT HURT. It feels like my whole punani is bruised, which I am pretty sure it is, but I can't see it. I do shades of blues and purples peeking out of the monsterously huge bandage she has put there. I was so tired last night I didn't bother to shower, so I just left things as they were. How the fluids came about was that she came to have me sign the paperwork, she needed to get some base numbers for vitals....

Well, when you have been sick with a viral stomach bug for a couple of days... your vitals are all over the place. My temp was 102.7, Jen could see on the cam that my face was all red. She then took my BP, that was elevated but not overly. She decided she wanted a urine sample, and of course there wasn't much to give, but I did my best. I was spilling ketones. Next she decided to check my sugar.... 403!!!!! She ummm... kinda got panicky for a second. She asked to use the phone... she placed a call into Dr. Cho and said that she would be back in a few minutes. I don't think she even got to the end of our street, she was calling me to tell me she would be back in a few minutes that Dr. Cho had ordered some meds and she was going to go pick them up and return. I decided I would turn on my webcam before she came back that way, Jen could see the mean lady if she insisted on being a pill.

She came back, gave me a compazine shot, I wasn't in the mood to be knocked out with phenergan and still sick, and she gave me some glucophage to stabalize my sugar. She started the IV not realizing she had forgotten her transport pole. I told her I wasn't going to sit in the kitchen the whole time and have her standing next to me with the IV bag. I came back in here and set it on top of my chair and tried to relax as much as possible. Evan was really scared. I think he is getting to an age where he is no longer protected by baby innocence. He understands a great deal more than I could ever imagine. He wouldn't come by me for the longest time and sat on our bed and cried. I had him hold on to my favorite pillow for awhile and that seemed to help him. He slowly came back to sit on the floor next to my chair. The nurse finished her paperwork and the fluids finished about the same time.

I walked her out promising to get some rest.... Ethan had an appointment with Dr. Jacobs so rest was not to come soon.... Got both the kids picked up, completely forgetting it was Wednesday and they were already out of school anyways, so that was good, didn't have to pull them out of class. We got to Dr. J's in record time, had our 5 MINUTE appointment (takes us longer to get there and park) then off to check on Gma. Terry lives right across the street from Dr. J's office. Nobody answered the phone and it was now raining so we didn't stop. I did however see Terry sitting in her chair out front so that means Gma was resting and it probably wasn't a good time to stop by there anyways. We went to Longs, dropped off Ethan's script... have to wait as they were out of stock on it... no biggy, but at least we got it dropped off. Got the kids home, homework done, dinner made, and Gary came home FINALLY at almost 545pm, I had talked to him at 3 when he said he was leaving. I was so tired by the time he got home I could barely eat, but I did. I ate one bean burrito and it STAYED down. Poor Gary and the kids had to listen to these horrible burps all night but it stayed Down!!! I took my meds early, tucked Shayla in, turned computer off WAY early, and layed down with Gary and Evan. Ethan was watching TV in his room and every so often he would come in to check on us. Gary and Evan dozed off first. I couldn't get comfortable although I was really tired. Finally at about 930pm I turned Ethan's TV to the music channel and he fell right to sleep. I know I slept for awhile but then I got up again and I couldn't fall asleep for the longest time. Next thing I knew it was morning and Gary said he was taking the kids to school. Evan went with him, and they brought back breakfast. I was trying to sleep off my meds but the phone was ringing and ringing so I decided to get up and eat the breakfast Gary had left.... WRONG move. that didn't stay down either, so I am up and feeling really junk.

The nurse is supposed to come back today and see how I am doing and I am hoping she brings something to knock this nausea out again. Good thing there is left overs, I know I had menu for the whole week, but ummm, not really into food right now even to cook it.

The kids were both having Easter parties at school today so I did do something productive yesterday... I got all their goodie bags and the eggs they needed made. I am so not in the spirit to do anything but I will let them have this little thing at school. I did order all three of them a surprise instead of getting them Easter baskets this year. Hopefully it comes soon and they can begin to enjoy it....

Isn't he adorable? He is from that same company that Shayla's kitty is from... FurReal Friends. I decided they didn't need to be loaded up on candy and toys that would break that same day. Mom & Dad had sent a check for us to get something for them for Easter and Evan just loved this little guy when he saw the commercial. I think it will be neat for them.

I am once again way behind in work, but I have no motivation at all. CPA called yesterday to let me know Gma's and the Trust's Taxes are done but that they were still working on ours. Cutting it really close this year. You have until MONDAY the 17th this year as the 15th falls on a Saturday, so I am glad for that.

Okay, this is way longer than I intended. Going to go change the music, I love the song that is on here ... Flying with Angels by Na Leo Pilimehana, it was out wedding song, but it makes me miss Gary so much when he is not here. I will go see what I can put on next... I was so proud of myself for figuring out how to do it!!!

Oh I wanted to add, before I forgot.. Gary has head hunters after him again. He has learned that one of the companies that is trying to recruit him would be sympathetic to my case and would allow him to continue to help me with the kids as he does and still pay him BIG BUCKS for his work. I am really not good with change so this really scares me. He has been with the company that he is with for almost 20 years. Unfortunately the company has changed directions several times in the past couple of years and it does not look good for the long haul. It is great to know that somebody else wants him and at higher pay and less stress than what he is doing now, but I am not sure on many things. I will have to pray for him to make a decision. He has the final say and I will agree with it, but it still scares me... Ok, now for real I am done for now... I am sure I will be back later.

I am trying to figure out how to change things here so please bear with me for awhile...