Ever had one of those days....

All I can do is cry and sleep, at least when I sleep I get some relief of this nightmare....

I went for a specific blood test on January 31. This test would show the Drs if there was still cancer in me. It took 11 weeks to get the results and they are in...
They are not now or ever going to lift my terminal label. They have re-enforced the fact that there IS cancer here, they just are not sure where it is at the moment... I start back next week doing my in house isolation. I will start having the home health aide coming again to give me my IVIG treatments to boost my non-existant immune system. The weird thing... I don't feel horrible. I had some blood work done while I was in the hospital two weeks ago and the even stranger thing.... going into surgery the OR nurse said that my blood work looked great, and platelets were up around 90,000, blood work came back that this is no longer the case.... I have to be down around 75,000 for a transfusion, so I thought I was doing pretty well maintaining things. Last week I did some more blood work and platelets have come back at 70,000. That is a big difference when I am now 3.5 weeks out from one surgery and 2 weeks today from the other surgery.
I am just really tired of all this. I don't even feel like I can continue to ask for prayer but don't know what else to do. I'm not going to die today or tomorrow, but I won't live to see my kids grown either.